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| Issue 1 |
| A Message From the Headmaster | ||
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What I am going to talk about is something that I'm sure secretly worries a lot of you. It is a habit that has become such a problem within the school that I'm actually going to do something about it. Some of you probably didn't know there were active users of it within the school. You might think it is a problem that only occurs in inner-city areas. You would be wrong, however. |
There are actually pupils in this school who have started using cynicism. Rather than concentrating on trivial things like the school's drink problem I'm going to be cracking down on cynics. There is no defence for being nasty and cynical. I know there's peer pressure. I know it's very difficult to resist joining in when all your friends are telling you its great. You must, however, resist the temptation and just say 'no'. |
Last term the cynicism problem got out of hand. Some girls tried to produce a school newspaper. Admittedly a group of blind, mentally-handicapped three year-olds would have been hard-pressed to produce anything worse but there was no reason to be nasty about it. I hope that in the future you will remember this - 'Cynicism Wrecks Lives'. |
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In order to allay the fears of the people who have seen Mrs Jeffers' trousers and are worrying about the spread of 'mad cow disease', we hereby reproduce this letter: Dear Parent/Guardian In view of the publicity, debate and concern over BSE during recent weeks I am writing to explain the policy of our caterers. We have continued to serve beef dishes since the previous scare some time ago and shall continue to do so but I assure you that we do not, and have not for a considerable time, purchased beef. All our supplies consist of unidentifiable assorted offal that you'd be very lucky indeed to find any beef in at all, and will continue to be so for the foreseeable future. Neither you nor your son/daughter needs to have the slightest worry that they are being served with food, let alone food containing beef. In order to further reduce the risk of BSE being passed on to pupils I will be keeping well away from all meals. Yours sincerely That woman who stands around in dining hall at lunch
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Letters to the Editor Dear Sir, I was horrified to discover that in recent years a number of housey lads injured in rugger matches have been allowed to leave the pitch before the end of the game! I'm sure my fellow Old Farts will remember that in my day, pupils continued to the end of the match whether or not they had broken limbs. I remember one particular case of a boy called Smithers who had multiple fractures and a severed artery in one leg tackling an opposition player, grabbing the ball, and hopping to the end of the field to score a spectacular try (which he then converted to win the match) just before dying from massive blood loss. Nowadays a boy injured in a similar manner might not bother! yours faithfully Major Harcourt-Witherington-Smythe VC DM OBE OLD GIT |