Lousey! Issue 1

In this issue:		Issue 1
	*Bungling Monty strikes again - computer chaos - exclusive report*
	*Computer Room break-in special - we talk to the man who failed to stop it*

Deprived Areas Computer Project

Not content with sending a number of computers to Romania, to save on local dumping costs, Christ's Hospital, in association with the community 'service' group, generously elected to donate the innards of their newer machines to some criminals.

If you are interested in providing, or stealing, equipment then please contact:

Dr E.J.Takemycomputersholme
Head of Incompetence Studies
Christ's Hospital
Horsham
West Sussex
RH13 7LS

Tel.: 999
Fax: you can steal this as well

Memory Chips Ł10/Mb !

486 Processors going cheap !!

Yes, it's another great deal from Tech-notheft computer parts.

Tel. (01403) 252547 Ask for 'Monty'.

So far a number of memory chips and processors have been given to criminals from deprived areas. The project has been a great success. The chips were donated by Christ's Hospital, who were just asking for it, and had upgraded to typewriters and sliderules, having found their 466 'accelerator' machines, too slow or inadequate.

The aim of allowing these items to be stolen is to introduce criminals to the practical aspects of PC maintenance and repair. By giving them the opportunity to take apart machines and see where things are, particularly parts which have a high resale value, the thieves can receive vocational training.

This project should increase their technology awareness, as well as giving the deprived intruders some spending money.

Christ's Hospital is currently looking for both equipment and sponsors to continue this exciting project. Besides network stations and servers, the project also requires stand-alone PC's (preferably 486 or Pentium), spare memory chips and processors. The cost of collecting, preparing and losing a consignment of computers is about Ł7000 and includes:

No alarm system
Simple locks
Eezy-2-break® windows
A large amount of cash for me

Criminals Beware! Night Watchman Speaks Out

Christ's Hospital night watchman, security expert and professional boaster has warned the thieves he'll stop them next time. Lousey! get an exclusive interview with a man who has already become a legend in the security business.

Night Watchman: Yes! People have been covering them up!
Lousey: Really?
Night Watchman: There's a new man in town ....

New Christ's Hospital
Appointments

Head of Computer Studies:
No computing knowledge required Ł20,000 p.a.

Night watchman/Fire safety officer:
No skill or qualifications at either of these necessary. Police dog essential. Ł11,000 p.a.

Lousey: Why weren't you able to stop the thieves stealing the computer chips?
Night Watchman: There's a new man in town.
Lousey: Could you expand on that?
Night Watchman: I've heard the rumours..."He's ex-SAS, he's got a police dog..."
Lousey: Quite.
Night Watchman: The dog arrives next week. I'll leave you to work the other one out for yourself.

Lousey: Could you answer the question?
Night Watchman: There's a new man in town...
Lousey: You've done that bit.
Night Watchman: Have I? I get confused.
Lousey: Yes.
Night Watchman: I would have foiled the thieves, but I had an important announcement to make about fire alarms.
Lousey: Fire alarms?